Do you ever have a flash of prophecy about your child, a vision of who they might be when they are grown? I had one today while holding my 15 month old. I pictured him all grown up, and instead of me carefully carrying him over the icy patches, he was carefully guiding me in my old age. This vision reminded me of another inspiration that came before he was conceived. It came through my husband, when another baby was not on my radar at all. He said he felt like there was a gift that God wanted to give us, if we were willing to receive it, and that we didn’t have to, but that it would bless us. That gift was our baby boy.
Now this past few weeks have been challenging with this boy. I could swear I haven’t slept since November because he is constantly waking up. He has been busy throwing items in the toilet, removing trash from the wastebaskets, emptying the dishwasher as I fill it, unrolling the toilet paper, and throwing all food except momma milk on the ground. I am exhausted and I am itching to have a little time to myself, my body to myself, and some time with my husband again. Even so, I wouldn’t change our decision for a second. He truly is a gift,a sweet and precious and vital part of our family, and one I treasure. I wonder how much of the gift he is bringing our family is yet to be discovered. I wonder this about all of our children. They are a gift now, even if we only had today together. But someday, they may hold my trembling, aging hand while I try to keep my balance on the ice. Someday they may be comforting and caring for me. They may do other things too, maybe heartbreaking things, as children often do. But I’m grateful for that little vision of the possible future to open my eyes to the bigger picture of these souls we are raising. There is more than just today. We can hold on and love and try to be patient through the long days. There are more gifts ahead – pain and joy mixed together, to be sure, but all of it is a gift.